An Update that's Not a Whole Year in the Making

Check it out! It’s only been like... two months?
Christmas was wonderful. We stopped work at midday on the 24th which was a bit of a drag. My brother picked me up that afternoon and we went to see Star Wars Episode VII! It was actually really fantastic! I loved all the references back to the original trilogy. I freaking love BB-8; he’s so cute! As for the new characters though, I kinda don’t really feel anything for them. Except Kylo Ren. I won't say why for spoilers, but what an asshat. I do like the theory though that Rey is a clone of Luke from the hand that he lost when Darth Vader cut it off.
So yeah, Christmas was good. Nearly all the family turned up! Even Aunty Kaylene. She’s not doing well at all. Her cancer came back a few months ago and... it’s been so tough. They told her that after this round of treatment if the cancer comes back again, there’s nothing they can do for her. It’s just... Mum says it’s an awfully disheartening thing for someone to hear that kind of prognosis. So I’m glad we were all together.
Mum finally conceded to me that she has no sense of style whatsoever, so she’s been hoarding all sorts of lovely Christmas decorations over the past couple of years. It was finally our turn to host again and I went all out on the decorating. The tree and the table looked like something out of a magazine. Everyone loved it.

So sparkly...

We had a blast playing all sorts of water sports. We set up a black plastic slide in the front yard and played human ten pin bowling – you could either take a run up and attempt to knock all the pins down, or hold on a rope pulley and your family team could haul you down the plastic. Then we played a relay race where you had to line up and throw water to each other in buckets. The first family to transfer enough water to their end bucket and cause it to drop was the winner. The last game was very broken. There were little basketball hoops on peoples’ heads. Instead of having them catch the little ping-pong balls that came with the game, we switched them out for water balloons. As soon as the blindfolded people started tossing balloons the hoops broke. Eventually there were too many balloons in each net and they broke from the weight. It dissolved into a water balloon fight from there. Throughout the whole day, everyone was blatantly cheating – of course ^_^.
Another star of Christmas was the awesome pinball machine that Dad cooked up. A virtual pinball machine in a custom made cabinet. It has something like 20 virtual tables in it now and I played the hell out of it the couple of weeks I was home. I really liked the Star Troopers and Star Wars tables. Those ones were fun and I was slowly starting to learn how to actually play them rather than just hitting the flippers and hoping the ball didn’t go down the hole. Me and Dad did a great job of decorating it all the day before Christmas too! I stockpiled leftover vinyl from work and we planned out a design and used his CNC routing device with a blade attached instead of a drill bit to cut out the shapes. It was a tough time sticking them all on without application tape. But we got there, and it looks fantastic.

*furiously mashes flapper buttons*

I spent most of my holidays playing ARK. I developed a grudge match with some dude on a PvP Primitive server. I was busy building up my base and trying to tame some dinos when this idiot began accusing me of killing his raptor. He was adamant. I tried to explain that I had done no such thing, but he just wouldn’t believe me. I had to start looking over my shoulder and even keep an eye on the skies. Several times he tried to snatch me up on a pteranadon, but I had been too encumbered at the time luckily. So, the eejit gets an idea. One day while I’m logged off, he goes around and puts his own stone foundations at the four points around my base, effectively blocking me off from expanding. We had a verbal sparring match after that. After I had shouted at him in all caps and realised that wasn’t going to work, I switched tactics and began pretending like he was some little kid, a low level newbie who was sad and lonely. I told him I would collect the white supply drops for him because he was obviously so helpless. This seemed to get on his nerves. He reinforced the foundations the day after that. So, I thought “Two can play at this game...” I made a foundation of my own and put it directly outside his front door. He was pissed... Around that time, I started chatting with a bloke on an online dating site. After a few dates, I introduced him to ARK. He was online one day and was ambushed by the guy. They killed my trike and pteranadon. We were fed up with this guy, so we switched servers. I did log in one last time however and used up all of my wooden signs to write “Fuck You” in front of his base eleven times. I logged in recently too and found much to my satisfaction that someone has raided his base. Hehehe...
So we moved servers. This one has elevated taming, XP and gathering so it’s much more fun to play on. We have a small menagerie. Unfortunately it’s an unofficial server so it’s down a lot. But that has helped me in a way to break the addiction a little bit.

I went back to work in January – for only three days XD. On the Thursday of that week, I flew down to Sydney for RTXAUS! I took the train from the airport to the hotel and when I had finished settling in, I immediately got on the train again and headed out to Circular Quay. It was getting super overcast and began to rain when I got there. I found a nice walkway undercover where I was able to get some snaps of the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House in the gloom. I checked the rain radar on my phone and saw that a HUGE red and yellow patch was headed directly for me. I watched as the storm rolled in, lightning flashes over the bridge. It was really kind of cool!

The train station had an excellent view

The actual even was very good I thought. Not as good as the Austin one. There were a few teething problems. I felt that the RT people were kind of isolated. I didn’t ever seen them in the VIP room. The event center we were in had all of these cool catwalks, so they were always up there. The main hall was not naturally air conditioned either. There were tons of people who found it much too hot. I thought it was warm, but not overly uncomfortable – but I could see that on the stage under the lights, all the RT folk were sweating like crazy.
I waited all day Friday for some notification of the secret thing they’d teased. They were shooting an Immersion in Sydney that day and I was hoping they’d ask for extras. Unfortunately the way they notified us was through the Rooteeth Facebook page. I was kicking myself. It would have been cool to be a space invader on the shoot... especially with Ryan as a lab rat!
The Lazer Team premiere was AWESOME. I looked fantastic (except someone else at the premiere was wearing the same dress as me) – and my super high stunning white shoes didn’t even kill me that much!

Faaaaabulous darling!

I made a friend in the lobby as I was waiting to hail a taxi and we shared it there. There was some traffic so the driver told us it would be easier to walk the rest of the way. It began to rain and I was wearing heels walking uphill. Wanted to kill the cab driver. (Later on I found that it is actually harder to walk downhill in heels. Man is that hard.) We waited in the line and chatted and became good friends. Her name was Emily and she was from Adelaide ^_^. We milled around for an hour, and then another half an hour because the RT peeps were late – there’d been an accident where Lindsay had cut open her face during the Immersion shoot and she’d had to get stitches.
The movie itself was really, really good. It wasn’t the best movie ever, but I definitely enjoyed it and the humour and hard work and just everything that Roosterteeth poured into it. The twist at the end was fantastic, although I did sort of guess it a little. And it had Michael mooning the audience, which was amazing XD. All of the cameos were brilliant too.
When the movie was done, the cast and crew came out for a Q&A and, surprise, surprise, who turns up? Well, Mr. Michael Jones of course! I was so thrilled! That was one good part about not being an extra on the Immersion shoot I guess. He was a lab rat with Ryan lol.
The after party I thought was good, but a little bit of a shambles. All they had on the tab that was EXTREMELY short-lived was cheap champagne and beer. The venue was MUCH too small and there was a cordoned off area where the special guests could escape. Not saying it was a bad thing... but the Austin VIP party was MUCH cooler. There was nowhere they could ‘escape’ too. I talked to Chris Demaris for a little bit, which was fun and then me and Emily watched in dismay as the crowd around poor Ryan just would not disperse. His audience was like three people thick for several hours – and even when the party was winding down and he was trying to leave, they cornered him outside and it happened again. The poor thing was too polite to get away...

I really enjoyed my time in Sydney. It really is a beautiful city. It also helped that there was McDonalds directly outside my hotel, so I did not have to go without breakfast each day. I explored a bit on the Friday and found my way to a Max Brenner chocolate store, and all manner of shops and markets and stuff. I could seriously consider living there if I had to.
We met up with a lot of Roo Teeth people at King Pin Bowling on Circular Quay on the Sunday night. I had a blast beating all my new friends at air hockey and a game of bowling. We were getting drinks and thinking about leaving when who got in line behind us but Freddie Wong! We had a solid hour of chats where we taught him about the Aussie and Kiwi accents, our money, our education system and the State of Origin. He’s is a super funny dude! The day after he tweeted that he’d had a good time, so I replied to him and told him that if he needed any more special fifty cent pieces (he was fascinated by their shapes and the custom detail on the special editions one) that he knew who to talk to. He actually replied to me! It was super fun.

I made a new shirt for the convention. I did up a super cool vector art piece with Ryan in his GTAV face paint holding his skull mask. It’s kind of creepy. I painted it onto a lovely white shirt and wore it the second day of the con. I didn’t get to show it to him unfortunately.

Lots of black paint...

The Wednesday I got back, we had the Lazer Team Tugg screening at the Cairn City cinemas! My brother came along too and he loved the movie. We were sitting in the dark waiting for the movie to start, munching on out KFC, when I saw a pair of people across the aisle. They were older folks and the bloke was wearing a Lazer Team shirt. I stared at them for a while and eventually tapped my bro and said “I think that those are the Dunkelmans.” The Dunkelmans being Barbara Dunkelman from Roosterteeth's parents. They love to go to everything she does and support her. Brother was like “Nah... It can’t be.” I was positive. I had actually sat in the row behind them at the Sydney premiere and said hi after I’d seen the fella hugging Barbara down on the walkway! So I worked up the courage and went over and asked them. Sure enough, it was Larry and his wife! I asked them what on Earth they were doing up in Cairns. Turns out they were sightseeing. They thought if they were going to go to Australia that they would explore a bit at least. It was just so bizarre! It was like they were stalking me lol.

This is the photo Larry took! I'm way up the back.

The first date I went on with the new boy was absolutely wonderful. We met at Grill’d on the Esplanade for lunch and totally hit it off. I didn’t really want to leave. He was so lovely. He was 25, he was taller than me, he had an excellent job (he was going to start uni very soon, but still had tons of savings) and he was ripped as hell man. So, we hung out and continued to chat. We got frozen pine lime slushies from Maccas. We hung out more on the Esplanade itself, walking up and down and sitting on a bench. Eventually, he put his arms around me. It was lovely. As the sun was setting, he kissed me. It was funny; our glasses clashed. I was having a ball. We had dinner on the esplanade too; crepes. And then a few hours later, gelato for dessert. I think we ended our lunch date at 10:30pm!

Unfortunately, due to many different things after a few more dates he told me that he was sorry, but he had to break it off. He just wasn't ready for a full on relationship. He had a lot of valid reasons and... I dunno. I just feel really kind of lonely now. It's hard to get used ot being single again. I'm not alone - I have my friends and my family, but not having that special someone is just making me a bit lonely...

I watched Life on Mars. It was really good! The music was awesome and the concept was rather gripping. I’m a bit undecided about the ending, but it did seem fitting. I’m now watching Psycho Pass. You can blame the two on the Roosterteeth Anime Sponsor-cast.

Work has been okay. I felt a bit overburdened yesterday though. My colleague quickly took a few jobs off me and made it a little better. I’ve been slacking I guess. I’m always checking my phone or I’ve got my kindle out actually. It’s kind of stupid. I should really stop doing it. But I find that I sometimes just can’t concentrate and after a few minutes of it, I can get back to what I’m doing. I hope I don’t get called out for it. I would really hate to get a warning, or even lose my job. I hate warnings. I feel so terrified when people direct that kind of disappointment and anger at me. I think I would rather be injured than disappoint like that. I’ve begun taking record of all the duff ups that I make in an effort to improve. Mum keeps telling me to ask for a pay rise, what with the INORDINATE power bills I’ve been getting and the fact that my brother is no longer living here. He moved out just before Christmas when Mum and Dad could no longer afford to pay his rent because of Dad’s job loss. But, I haven’t had the nerve to ask for a pay rise. It’s just so regularly that I get reports back that I’ve made mistakes and whatnot. I don’t feel like I deserve a pay rise yet. I need one and I think I should have one. I have a bachelor and I’m approaching two years of experience now. I should be getting paid more than what pretty much amounts to minimum wage. But I just... keep making mistakes...

So overall, January has had its ups and downs. RTXAUS was great and I am so going again next year. Alan Rickman and David Bowie both died at 69 and of cancer. That was a real downer. Monty Oum’s anniversary just passed which was a harrowing reminder. I had a beautiful few weeks, and then a sudden crashing reality check with a guy.

It feels kind of nice that I have no obligations at the moment. Nothing to plan for, nothing to look forward to. Just the weekends, curled up in bed, reading or watching stuff. It feels nice to just drift a little – coast along and enjoy the fact that I do have a solid job, I do have a lovely home and I do have enough income to splurge sometimes. I am lucky and grateful. And now I’m hungry. Gonna go eat the rest of my taco mince.
Ciao!

Feeling: I have this weirdly sore elbow. It doesn't hurt to bend it or when I massage the skin, but just resting the tip of it on something - anything, will make it hurt.

Listening to: X Gon' Give it to Ya - The song from the Deadpool trailers. Frikin' Deadpool man... I saw it today and it was BALLS TO THE WALL AMAZING.

Wearing: My Deadpool shirt of course.

(Witty Title Apologizing for Being so Horribly Lax with Posts)

So... My  last post began with me welcoming in 2014. *twiddles forefingers* Oops. I'll just go down the list then... Behold! My year thusly passed:

One of the main reasons I stopped blogging was that I actually got a job! I landed a graphic designer position at a print... place that I will not name here. I had to pack up and move to a horrible little dingy share house bedroom with ZERO internet capabilities in less than a week and began work. It was hard to adjust from doing nothing all day to a 9 to 5 work-week. I also had to learn to feed myself. That resulted in way too much microwave macaroni cheese...

There was also the comedic moment when I went outside to do my laundry and the landlord accidentlly locked me out and drove away. *cue Mission Impossible theme as I climed in through the window*

I made an Enderfriend!

I managed to discover a new talent: I could stick Freddo Frogs to my forehead. I also, at some point, managed to drop the pointy end of a knife on the web between my toes. (I'm just pulling these snippets from my FB timeline XD) I also attended my graduation ceremony! Cap and acape and scroll and all! Woo!

After a few months in the dingy hole, I moved to one of my landlord's other share houses in the area. OMFG I loved that room. It was an old clapboard house that had been raised up on stilts. The ceilings were so incredibly high and the floor was polished wood and I had  FREAKING BAY WINDOW. It was amazing... The kitchen left much to be desired though - especially because it had a hot water tap that sounded like a jet engine taking off. That was in May sometime I think.

Then, comedy of all comedies; I was locked out out of the house AGAIN.That time it was the wind's fault. I had gone out to pay the pizza delivery gal and it slammed the front door shut behind me. Luckily there was an open window. Unluckily it was on the second storey. Luckily there was a ladder. Unluckily I had to set up the ladder precariously on the stairs. Luckily I could get into the window now. Unluckily my hips were too wide to fit. Luckily I was able to grab a chair inside and use it to twist around and get the rest of me through the window. Cue me feeling like a champion and an idiot at the same time.

By this point, I had spent a couple of months at *print place that shall forever be unnamed* and... well... I made some booboos. I learned a hard lesson, that was also incredibly costly, that 'ordinance' and 'ordnance' are two VERY different words... Also, that place was kinda dodgy. My boss could only use certain courier services, because they hadn't paid the bills for others... I still got my pay all and well, but I had a majorly hard time trying to get actual hard copy payslips out of them. The printer of 20 years up and quit, and the admin girl told me too that she was thinking of leaving, so I began looking around for a new job, and low and behold, I got a position at a much nicer, much more respectable sign company right down the street! ^_^ One that did not have mushrooms growing in the carpet of the storage room...

I am still with this new sign company. They're wonderful there; a much bigger team with much nicer facilities and ethics. And they have cake!

I turned 21! Woo! Did not really have a party though. Less woo. *shrug*

At the same time I got my new job, my brother transferred from a university down south to the one in my city. He was having quite a hard time doing the course he was, so decided to change paths and move closer to home. Because I was tired of sharing a house with people I didn't know, and of the grimy, awful kitchen, I agreed to find a place to rent with him. Our new place is really quite great. It has two bedrooms on the second floor, two and a half bathrooms, and a lovely kitchen and lounge area. There was some debate as to who would get which bedroom. Because my name was going on the lease and because I graciously agreed to give up my glorious bay window in the share house, I got to have the bigger room with the two (TWO!) built in cupboards. I did however let my little brother, who is in fact a giant, have the double bed. Which left me stuck with a single. AGAIN. Not once! Not once in my whole life have I had a bed larger than a single! *simmering rage* But it's cool here - that is when the bro does his share of the housework. And I'm just a block away from work, so I don't even need a car.

We have been on quite a few fishing trips! Here are some of the more eventful moments:

Yes. That is an octopus on a hook. O.O

Olive Seasnake right up next to our boat!

FREAKING HUMPBACK POD RIGHT NEXT TO BOAT! :D

We left off with me having written 10,000 words on Flare. I have since finished that novel. It's absolutely terrible still XD I haven't even gone back to do a rough edit yet.

I have since moved on to begin working on the sequel to my first novel, Soulless. It has recently acquired a name; Dreamless. I think I have a theme going here... Any-hoo, it is currently at 22,000-ish wordy-ma-jigs. Currently at a tricky part. Characters are being stubborn and... well, I can't think of a way to get past it yet. 

Getting Soulless published has gone nowhere. I think I've applied to three more agencies now and been rejected by all of them. I have actually run out of agencies to apply to within Australia, so I am now looking at international ones. I best get my butt moving on making up a new application soon. I just have been so caught up with work and TV and writing Dreamless though.

TV! Oh my gosh TV. Jut a rundown of everything I watch now:

Supernatural - It's been going for so long now! I'm not sure why I'm not tired of it. The storylines are getting a bit twisty.

Doctor Who: Oh gods, I love Capaldi as the 12th doctor! Some of the episodes though - and the Chrismas Special just recently... I dunno. They feel so try-hard. Other bits are genius though and make me have all the feels ^_^

Grimm: IS AMAZING. Fullstop.

Once Upon a Time: I got so pissed when I saw that the latest season would be Frozen inspired. I highly disliked the movie that so many people are now obsessed with. But, the season turned out okay. ALSO CAPTAIN SWAN. *swoons*

Brooklyn Nine Nine: Good comedy. I haven't been wathcing it lately though. Not sure why. *shrug*

Castle: So great still! Caskett is official and so completely adorable!

2 Broke Girls: Another that I haven't been keeping up with. *more shrugs*

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD: Pretty great series. Been getting my Marvel hit to tide me over till the next Avengers.

The Vampire Diaries: I can't believe I ever bothered with True Blood (except for those bits where Alexander Skarsgard takes his shirt off). This is where it's at. And oh my giddy aunt, is Damon Salvatiore/Ian Somerhalder the TASTIEST thing in existence.

Sherlock: This show is the BOMB. It might only have three episodes to a season, but oh dear heaven, is it grippingly good.

Chuck: This show has been finished for a good number of years now and I have no idea why I never saw it and then resisted seeing it. It is so freaking funny and adorable and wonderful. My mother is now torn between me wanting to marry Munroe from Grimm and Chuck XD

Fairy Tail: A great anime. I am so excited now that I am getting to the dubbed seasons with the character voice by Michael Jones in it.

Gravity Falls: Dude. This is so not a kids show. AND IT'S AWESOME.

My brother bought an Xbox One. I played Destiny for about three days straight! Then he hid it away in his room and I haven't gotten to play it again... *grumble*

Art! I have been doing so much art! Mostly design at work, but it must have shaken something loose in me because I started doing a comic based on the retarded and hilarious stuff that goes down on the Minecraft server that I play on. The people on there love them and get annoyed when I don't post a new one in a while. It has certainly given me some experience and practice drawing people, which is fantastic.

The other art I have been doing is based around a fandom with which I am now completely obsessed. I am now, and extremely proud to call myself  Cockbite. I have nourished a liking for Roosterteeth for a while now, but now I am hard and fast in love with the whole kit and cockadoodle. I can't wait to get my Achievement Hunter fix each day and the Rooster Teeth Podcast is the highlight of my week. I have, since I began earning money, begun buying myself RT merch by the bucketload. These guys are my life. I am so psyched for August now, because in July last year, they had a campaign to fund thier first full-length feature film called Lazer Team. As part of that fundraiser, they sold 100 VIP tickets to thier convention RTX this year. I was one of the lucky few to grab one. I AM SO EXCITED. I haven't booked my plane tickets or asked for time off yet, but I still absolutely cannot wait to go.

These are the art pieces I have done:

The delicious Ryan Haywood in his GTAV costume

More Ryan!

Here, have some rude Geoff Ramsey too

(He retweeted this I NEARLY DIED)

And of course some lovely mingy Brit

aka: Gavin Free :P

This is a fanart of a fanfic... 

involving Ryan Haywood

Fic-ception!

More Ryan...

Not Rooster Teeth, but still video game inspired ^_^

From that same fanfiction...You may have noticed
that I am now a *tiny* bit obsesed with Ryan...

What's this? A craft project?

Painting finished!

A dog's breakfast...

But suddenly; a whole bag appears!

I call it... the Bag Shot.

It hasn't been all smiles and rainbows in the RT fandom of late though... Just last week, beloved animator and creator of the hit series RWBY, Monty Oum passed away. He was only thirty three, and slipped into a coma resulting from a server allergic reaction during a routine hospital procedure. It was a shock to everyone... I couldn't beleive what I was seeing when I woke up to the news that weekend, and then again a few days later when I started scrolling through Tumlr and saw 'RIP' posts... It was a crippling thought that someone so young and so vital could be snatched away from us... 

I saw the sweetest post on Tumblr about the whole sad situation. I can't remember what it was exactly, but, it was somehting along the lines of imagining that Monty would immediately be signed up to be a muse and instead of when you start on your next creative project and you expect your muse to be some ancient greek goddess with a robe to sit on your shoulder, you get this young asian man with tired eyes and a cheeky smile who dresses like an anime character and kicks ASS at DDR. So that is what I've been imagining lately; Monty on my shoulder, poking me in the face when I get distracted. I guess Monty will never die in that regard; he will live on through all of us, and all that we create from being inspired by him...

We'll miss you Monty; you were freaking amazing.

The only other news I can think of at the moment is my completely non-existent dating life. I have discovered that I live practically under a rock. I meet NO-ONE. I have been trying a few dating apps, but with very little results... I went on two dates with a bloke I could only really see as a mate. I seriously think that there are no men in my city. It's depressing and lonely... Ah well. I'll just have to finish writing these books, get them published, and become a rich, famous author. I should be able to go out then and meet other humans... right?

Feeling: Tired. Neck is sore from so much computer time. Also guilty that my weekend involved barely any writing.

Wearing: My Tower of Pimps tee! Also; pants are for bitches.

Listening to: The Nights by Avicii and Lovers on the Sun by David Guetta on repeat. SO GOOD.

Eating: I had KFC for dinner. That's porbably why my chest feels funny; all that cholestorol is getting to my heart :P

Hold E to Swap for Shotgun

Good evening lads and ladettes.

I feel ridiculously proud of myself today. I accomplished many things, the first of which was finally completing Halo: Combat Evolved. The original one. For PC. I honestly can list the number of video games I've finished on one hand. The main reason for this is because I generally play never-ending games like Tycoons or the Sims. The other reason is that I have very little hand-eye-finger-keyboard coordination and suck very badly at FPSs. But a few days ago, I sat down and decided I would finish Halo. It was thoroughly enjoyable! The worst/best part of the whole thing would have had to have been the final run through the Pillar of Autumn in the Warthog. The first time I tried it, I rolled the stupid jeep several times and the timer ran out with me only ten metres away from the ship I was to escape on. The clock hit zero, the Autumn's engines detonated - and my game closed. It seemed like the ship blew up so hard that my game crashed XD

Yay! Mastercheif!

Another thing that happened, was that I finally got all my grades for my final semester of university! I got three credits and a distinction, and as such, I am now qualified with a Bachelor of New Media Arts, Majoring in Media Design. I printed out the summary page and stuck it to the fridge to show it off...

Another, if lesser, accomplishment is that I cleaned up my incredibly messy downloads folder. Now all of my files are lovely and organised on my external drive, all with proper names and folder systems. It just feels so nice to sit down at a computer and know that everything is in it's right place and nothing is named 'asdfjhalfkh.jpg'.

On a bit of a down note, I didn't get the pre-press design job I was angling for this week. It was a very sudden and hectic process. I saw the ad one day, somehow got and interview the next day and then had to wait nearly two weeks to hear back from the interviewer. He kept delaying and delaying. I had a new rental place all lined up nice and close to the job too. /sigh. Ah well. I shall continue my searches.

There is nothing new on the novel front. I had a look at the website of the agency to which I've submitted my current manuscript and been a bit confused to see that they've closed submissions. I do not know whether this means they will still be considering my novel /shrug.

Does anyone else shop at second-hand shops? I absolutely LOVE them. Just the other day me and my mum were doing the rounds here in our little town and we found the most awesome toy ever for only $2. He's what's called a Signature Collection Buzz Lightyear Action Figure. he stands at 12" and looks like he's jumped straight out of the Toy Story movies. 

I'm a Space Ranger!

He talks - he even responds to your voice! His wings pop out at the push of his chest button and flash just like in the movie - so does his laser! He has fully poseable arms and legs, and fingers, and he even frikin glows in the dark! Unfortunately he's missing a few parts, but I contacted the company who made him and they are willing to send me all the missing parts for a bargain! I absolutely love my Buzz. Yes. Yes I am a 20 year old who acts like she's 6.

Anywho. That's all for now. To infinity and beyond! /flies away.

Feeling: Content.

Wearing: Stig (from Top Gear) shirt and old school shorts.

Eating: Had curry and rice for tea, but need an evening snack.

Listening to: Lots of things actually. I have a playlist of four songs; Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus, Applause - Lady Gaga, Counting Stars - OneRepublic and Warrior - Havana Brown. I am also listening to the old Roosterteeth podcasts, back when they were called the Drunk Tank. I am currently up to #18. They're brilliant ^_^

Paradoxes, Pellets, Puzzles and Puft

Look! It's not three o'clock in the morning! I actually managed to finish this one before midnight. Go me.

Anywho, here for your entertainment, is the next installment of the Passage of the Planeswalkers.

It might also be the last for quite a while as I am starting a new fatansy character in a campaign we are going to call The Seeds of Ragnarok. My new character is a warlock by the name of Bubbles the Bloodletter. Dis gon' be gooood...

The weird sorcerer, Orin, was back. He had an elbow in the crystalline gates of Lisseth, effectively keeping them open. He was focussed however, on the two butterflies he held gently between his fingers. He appeared to be trying to make them mate. Lereahl, Rathalohse and Mulch watched in amusement as the newcomer to their group, a small gnome druid named Glo Shortcloack who had black eyes, green hair and a saucepan on her head, offered to help the man. With surprising skill, Glo was able to make the two reluctant insects get down to business quite successfully. Orin seemed delighted and sent the travellers on their way through the portal, only after gratefully kissing Glo.

 

The white magic sizzled around the planeswalkers, drawing them forwards them into some new, mysterious world. In unison, the four felt that they had somehow passed through a doorway. Their vision cleared to see that a huge door had indeed swung shut behind them. Rath and Lereahl glanced knowingly at each other and drew their weapons immediately. The two gnomes looked at them in confusion.

“We’ve been here before,” explained the ranger.

“This plane is called Parallelodox. I don’t know how it came to be, or why it does what it does, but every time you open another door, uh, interesting things are bound to happen,” added Lereahl.

They took in the room before them. The walls were made of smooth, black stone bricks. Out of the corners of one’s eyes, they appeared to bleed. In the middle of the room was a huge stone bowl of deep red blood, held up by a hideously carved claw. Surrounding it in seductively glinting piles, was a mountain of gold and jewels. Mulch gasped. Before anyone could stop her, she had thrown herself at the treasure. She stopped however when the room was suddenly filled with soft, menacing laughter. Wisps of darkness swirled, forming into a humanoid shape in front of Mulch. The creature was eight feet tall and had the head of a vulture. It hunched down, peering with beady eyes into Mulch’s face.

“Greetings... adventurer...” it croaked.

Mulch stared coldly back at it. The others were silent in shock.

“I have a question,” the gnome said.

The vulture demon cocked its scaly head.

“Go on?”

“If I take some of this treasure, do I have to give you anything?”

The vulture smiled. It wasn’t a pleasant smile.

“No.”

“Trade anything?”

“No.”

“Give up anything at all?”

“No.”

Mulch eyed the demon bird warily, then bent down and picked up a single gold coin.

The vulture demon laughed.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t take anything from you. And so I shall take your life...” it hissed. It gestured and suddenly the whole room was plunged into a complete magical darkness.

“Damned,” muttered Mulch.

Lereahl heard a sharp intake of breath on his right, then felt a small hand on his rear. Glo had reached out to find him and Rath in the darkness. Up ahead, he could hear Mulch cursing and stumbling around, causing clinking cascades of gold. The creature screeched and Lereahl raised his bow, hearing Rath do the same, and aimed for the noise.

Something swiped at Mulch in the darkness. She swore again and backpedalled quickly. She couldn’t see even her hand in front of her face in this inky blackness. She reached into her backpack for an item she’d picked up on a recent adventure. She thrust the glowing banner up into the darkness, creating a tinysmall globe of light. The demon screeched again at the light and then again as two arrows whizzed through the darkness, burying themselves in its flesh. Glo had run forwards now, slipping and sliding across the gold. She swung her hammer at the monster, connecting with a sickening thud. Mulch lashed out with a dagger, and narrowly avoided the talons that clawed at her face. She cried out as the hooked beak sank into her shoulder. She turned and dove into the gold pile, the creature’s claws raking across her back. In the darkness, Glo had lost her sense of direction and could no longer reach the demon. Mulch on the other hand, had turned again and leapt from her hiding place in the treasure, hoping to surprise the demon, but instead had leapt into its waiting arms. Another arrow found demon flesh as it gave a triumphant cry. Mulch cried and struggled free of the claws, avoiding the snap of the beak this time. She dove back into the gold pile. With a soft whisper, the darkness around the planeswalkers began to dissipate. The demon gave a displeased growl and then spun at Lereahl as he shot it again. There was sudden movement from behind the demon. Like some strange gold-dwelling shark, Mulch leapt from beneath the surface of the treasure, glee on her face, a dagger in each hand. The demon screamed as she sank them both into its spine. It collapsed in a flurry of hissing darkness.

 

“So, which door?” asked Glo, looking around at the four doors. They’d just finished divvying up the treasure. Lereahl shrugged and strolled towards the door straight across from the one they’d originally stepped through. He grasped the huge brass ring and pulled. The room beyond had another stone bowl of blood in the middle. The walls were black stone too. There were people standing looking through a door on the right hand side of the room. One was tall and blonde, another had a top hat, and the last two were short. The shortest wore a saucepan on her green hair.

“Uh...” said Lereahl. He turned around to see his fellow companions right beside him and staring confusedly back at him from the door on the right in the room behind them.

“That’s us...?” asked Glo, scratching her head.

“I, uh, think so,” said Lereahl, looking again through the door at the other ‘him’. “We’ve created a paradox. This door leads to, well, this room again.”

Rath, however, narrowed his eyes at the other figures. He drew back his bow and fired at the other version of himself – and received an arrow in his ribs from the Rathalohse behind him. Lereahl shut the door quickly as Rath turned and began yelling at himself. The half-elf shook his head, as if to clear it.

“Well. That was weird,” he said. Glo and Mulch nodded, still a bit dumbfounded. Rath just glowered and pulled his arrow out. As they went to open a different door, Lereahl was suddenly struck by how sexy he looked from behind.

 

This room was much easier to adjust to. Growing from an earthy floor was a small forest. The trees were huge and quite shady, and a clear path seemed to lead from their door to the others. Along the path however, were strange bundles. When examined closely, one could see the bones of all sorts of animals, or occasionally a humanoid skull and metal armour. Glo had knelt next to one and was poking it with a stick.

“Pellets,” she said.

“Excuse me?” asked Lereahl.

“Pellets. Owl pellets. They cough them up,” the gnome explained.

“Huh. Well, I don’t see how a little owl could cough up something as big as that. That would have had to come from an owl that’s, what, about ten feet tall?” said Rath. He began to laugh at the idea but then paused mid-chortle, realising what he’d just said. Lereahl’s brow creased.

“Eyes on the sky,” he said warily.

They walked along the forest path, weapons trained nervously on the curiously bright ceiling far above them. The pellets were many here. Lereahl didn’t want to think about how many giant owls had made them. Without warning, the half-elf felt a strange tingling shoot across his chest. He rubbed at the area, looking under his shirt to see the strange magical tattoo there squirming slightly on his skin. The silver owl’s feathers seemed to ripple. There were gasps of fear from the rest of the group and Lereahl was startled as he looked up to see an enormous black owl land silently in front of them. It was, as Rath had guessed, about ten feet tall. Its wingspan was a breath taking thirty feet wide. They all drew their weapons, waiting for the creature to attack. It didn’t however. It looked at Lereahl, head bobbing, huge silvery eyes wide and curious. Lereahl was stunned as it hopped closer. It lowered its enormous head and nuzzled at his chest, knocking him over.

“Er, hi,” he said, stroking one of the white streaks that ran from the corner of its eye up to the tip of its ear feathers. The great black owl twittered softly, seeming to enjoy the petting.

“Why’s it doing that?”  asked Glo.

“Perhaps it likes his owl tattoo,” joked Rath, who’d noticed the half-elf clutching his chest moments before.

“Lereahl has an owl tattoo?” asked Mulch. “How do you know about this, ranger?”

“I uh...” Rath mumbled, his face turning rather pink, but the group was distracted by a soft whooshing noise coming from behind them. Another huge owl, a tawny, was diving towards them, gleaming talons outstretched. The black owl leapt to intercept the giant tawny. The two enormous birds collided with and odd crunch. The tawny shrieked as the black owl’s claws raked its breastbone, spattering the companions with drops of hot blood and feathers. There was another screech behind them and they turned to see three more owls swooping overhead. There was a grey, a brown and a pure white one. Rath, who’d already drawn his bow back when the black owl had landed, turned his arrow instead on the brown one. It hit the owl and sent it plummeting into the trees. His next arrow was true too, downing the huge grey owl as it swooped low, snatching at Mulch and Glo. Glo wasn’t interested in trying to hit the enormous creatures. Instead she ran towards the black and tawny owls who were now screeching and wrestling on the ground, kicking up plumes of dust and knocking down small trees. The tawny threw off the black owl, who then backed down slightly. Glo had her hands up in a peaceful gesture and was calling softly to the tawny owl. The black owl returned to Lereahl. Glo continued cooing to the tawny owl. It stared at her, its intelligent amber eyes cold, but did not attack her. Lereahl had turned now too. He fired and arrow at the pure white owl which had just dived low to claw at him. The white owl was winged and crashed to the ground. It screeched horribly, thrashing and fluttering, its wing dragging behind it. It lashed out, clawing Rathalohse. The ranger strung another arrow and put the creature out of its misery.

Mulch handed Glo a nice fish he’d been saving for a snack. She took the fish and laid it down in front of the tawny owl. The great bird eyed her warily, but then bent down and snatched up the morsel. After a little more coaxing, it allowed itself to be petted, and eventually followed Glo, Mulch, Rath and Lereahl and his black owl towards the next door.

 

The door was a little stuck, seeming to have not been used for some time, despite the well worn path leading to it. They managed to push it open when Lereahl’s new friend gave it a nudge with his head. The room beyond was a dazzlingly white. In the middle of the room, a large white sphere hovered. It was covered in flowing, shifting, spinning gold lettering. The words seemed to be written in every language imaginable and occasionally they could catch one in common as it flitted past. They were words like dreams, happiness and wishes. Lereahl was immediately a bit wary of the room and the sphere. He looked closer at both, but really couldn’t sense anything bad at all. In fact, the room seemed to give off rather pleasant vibes.

“What is it?” asked Mulch, looking starry eyed at the sphere.

“I don’t know,” murmured Lereahl. He began to walk towards the sphere, his arm outstretched. Rathalohse had seen the flickering word wish and begun wondering what his most dearest wish would be. He immediately thought of cheese. He smiled as he imagined having a block of the most delicious cheese ever created. As he imagined this, he suddenly became aware of a lump in his pocket. He put his hand in the pocket, and pulled out a lump of nice yellow cheese. He stared at it in confusion, broke a tiny crumb off and tried it. He almost swooned with delight.

“Guys... It’s a wish machine,” he said groggily, his eyes half closed with happiness.

“A wish machine?” said Mulch, turning back towards the sphere, a thoughtful look on his face. Immediately, the gnome began wishing to be a male again. Somewhere in her adventures, Mulch had once been a he. Through a mysterious and unlucky series of events, he’d been turned into a woman, and cursed to never be able to wear pants again. But no matter how hard Mulch wished, she did not become a man again.

“Damned. It’s not working,” she said grumpily. “You’ve used up the wish on that stupid cheese! I could have been a man again!” she yelled at Rath. Rath looked highly offended.

“Never insult the cheese!” snapped the ranger.

“Guys, stop bickering. I think I know why your wish didn’t work,” said Lereahl. He’d approached the sphere and placed his hand on the swirling gold and white surface and his head had suddenly been filled with images of all sorts of weird and wonderful contraptions. There were incredible folding ladders, amazingly fine suits of armour, the most beautiful weapons imaginable, dazzling, delicious looking foods – but none of these things were magical.

“Your wish was a magical one. I don’t think the machine grants magical things,” Lereahl said, removing his hand from the sphere.

“Oh...” said Mulch. Instead, she began thinking of her second dearest desire. A pair of pants so good that she’d be able to finally wear them again. Suddenly, she was wearing pants. She laughed in delight. They were the softest, most well fitting pants she’d ever worn. As she investigated further, she found that the pants were covered in many zips and pockets and seemed to be infinitely customisable. The gnome beamed with happiness.

Glo was thinking hard about what she might want. She looked up at the half-elf and the human ranger, realising again how short she was as a gnome. She wished that she had some way to be as tall as them. A pair of stilts appeared on her feet. They were comfortable and instantly easy to use. They were also quickly adjustable, allowing her to be as tall or as short as she wanted in a matter of seconds.

Lereahl took a long time to decide. There was really nothing he wanted or needed currently. He had plenty of gold and treasure and his magical bow was something that probably wouldn’t be surpassed by anything the machine could give him. He stroked the black owl’s head thoughtfully as it bent towards him. Then he had an idea. Instantly, the huge black owl was wearing a fitted saddle, tack and barding armour. The armour was silver, black and white, matching the huge owl’s colouration perfectly. The owl was surprised at first, but as he swivelled his head all around, examining the new additions, he hooted in an approving sort of way. The white sphere’s swirling golden words changed to read things like thank you and farewell. The companions chose their next door feeling incredibly happy with their amazing gifts.

 

The next door they pushed open revealed a huge swamp. In the middle of the marsh, they could see a tall, sinister looking tree. Vines hung down from its branches. They swayed in a nonexistent breeze, occasionally coiling like snakes.

“Ooh. We probably shouldn’t go that way,” said Glo. “Those are Assassin Vines. They’ll wrap themselves around you and choke you to death. But they’re the least of your worries. See that tree? That’s an Umbral Banyan. It will grab you and then shift into the Shadow Plane – and then beat you to death there.”

“Huh. Well. Shall we walk around it then?” asked Rath. There were nods from all the others. Although difficult, they did manage to make it through the marsh, avoid the sinister tree, and open another door.

This room was dark. Sitting on a glowing throne of embers on the far wall was creature made of fire. He had the torso and head of a man, and the serpentine tail of a snake. Upon his head and glowing white-hot were a pair of antlers and a crown. He roared and sent a huge fireball towards the four, striking Rathalohse with a sound like mountains colliding. The ranger gave a cry, fell to the ground and stopped moving. The others rushed towards him. His skin and clothing was charred and smoking. He had no breath – no heartbeat. The ranger was dead. The others could only stare in shock. They were brought sharply back to reality as the salamander king bellowed, preparing to fling another fiery blast at them.

“Help me get him out of here,” Lereahl said to the gnomes, hooking his arms under Rath’s shoulders. The gnomes grabbed a leg each and they dragged the body through the nearest door, slamming it in the livid salamander’s face. The two giant owls shook soot from their feathers and looked on curiously as the three companions laid Rathalohse in the grass. They appeared to be in a quiet garden, not that the three really noticed. Mulch reached into her pack with a shaking hand and pulled out a health potion.

“It won’t work,” murmured the half-elf. “He’s already gone.”

Mulch put the potion back. There was silence in the garden. Even the owls had become still, sensing the sadness in the group. Glo had not known the ranger very well, but she was still shocked at how suddenly his life had been extinguished. Mulch had known him for longer. She couldn’t believe that the skinny human was gone. She sat in the grass just staring uncomprehendingly at the body.  Lereahl’s face was screwed up in anguish. He’d known the dairy-loving lunatic longer than any of the others. Sure, he was an adventurer; a warrior; a planeswalker. This sort of thing was expected. Just the other day, they’d mourned Jet and Mange, the seemingly unstoppable shield wielding dwarf, and cannonball-like barbarian halfling. The pair had gone up against demi-gods together. They’d fought valiantly, but had perished. But never had Lereahl seen a companion die right in front of him. He cringed at the thought of burying his friend.

“Uh, guys... I think I might have a way to save your friend,” said Glo. Mulch and Lereahl looked up at her.

“Well, I am a druid. Technically we can, uh, reincarnate people,” she said, wringing her hands.

Lereahl just stared at her.

“Why didn’t you tell us earlier?” asked Mulch, getting up and wiping at her eyes.

“Well, because I haven’t, you know, actually done it before,” muttered Glo.

Lereahl  got up too.

“Don’t worry. We have faith in you,” he said, taking the small gnome by the shoulders and smiling encouragingly at her.

 

Glo had warned them that the reincarnation process would take a while. When the blinding white dome of light had finally fallen away, Rathalohse struggled to sit up.

“Whoa, calm down, calm down,” said Glo, running forwards to catch him.

“Wha... What happened?” Rathalohse mumbled, looking incredibly dizzy. The other gathered too, expressions ranging from curious to downright alarmed.

“You were hit with the fireball. You, uh, died. But don’t worry! I’ve just finished reincarnating you!” explained Glo. She sounded quite exhausted.

“You didn’t say he’d have a different body!” exclaimed Lereahl. Glo had indeed neglected to mention to them that Rathalohse wouldn’t be the same person, let alone the same species.

“Different body?” asked the groggy Rath.  He looked down to find that his lower legs were slim and covered in brown fur. Curling from his new long, brown hair was a pair of spiralled horns.

“I’m a faun?” he asked in shock.

“Er... A little more than that...” said Glo, pointing behind Rath. He twisted slightly to see that he had hind legs as well as fore.

“You’re a Bariaur,” said Mulch, now trying to suppress a giggle. “A goat centaur!”

“Also, you’re quite busty...” said Lereahl, picking up Rath’s now tattered and burnt swallow-tailed jacket and top hat and handing them to him. Rath looked down.

“I’M A GIRL!?” Her new, angular face was filled with horror.

 

The four decided to rest for a while longer. Rath had collapsed in the grass in shock, her four legs splayed. Mulch sat with her, trying to console her.

“It’s not that bad,” said the gnome. “You’ll get over it after a while. And besides: boobies.”

Lereahl and Glo had left them alone to recover and were now scouting the garden. It seemed very calm here. The owls seemed quite happy to trot along behind their new keepers. The pair eventually came upon the centre of the garden. Here, carved upon a great wooden table, was a riddle.

 

I start as a box, with no lock or key.

Nothing but time and space can open me,

All my life I push towards heaven’s front door,

But I push towards hell just as much, if not more.

I drink of the waters, I breathe from the sky,

But I don’t move an inch till the day that I die.

What am I?

 

Beneath the riddle was a small thorny pencil. Glo scratched her head.

“I’ve always like riddles,” she said. “But they can sometimes stump me really good.” She laughed. Lereahl put a finger to his chin.

“Hm. Stump...”

Then he picked up the pencil and wrote beneath the poem: I am a tree. The riddle vanished. The tabletop then clicked and slid backwards, opening to reveal a hidden compartment. Glo reached in and pulled out their prize. It was a flail. There were four heads and each glowed with a different colour. It felt very magical.

“Here, you should have it. You solved the riddle,” said Glo, trying to hand the flail to Lereahl. The half-elf shook his head however.

“Nah. You keep it. You gave me the answer anyways when you said ‘stump’. It made me begin to think of trees,” he said.

Glo laughed and nodded.

“Fair enough,” she said.

They made their way back to Mulch and Rath. Rath had finally been able to stand up again on her four new legs. She looked grumpy, but definitely less stunned than before. She led the group towards the next door.

“Feel so weird not wearing pants...” she grumbled.

“Tell me about it,” said Mulch, who then surreptitiously patted her incredible new pants as if to check that they were still there.

 

The sweet scent was enough to knock over a fully grown man and send children into sugar comas. Lereahl pushed to door open wide to reveal the incredible landscape beyond. The earth was made of chocolate, the trees of striped candy. The rocks were enormous sugared lollies, the river of liquid chocolate. The four companions walked inside, looking around in wonder. Glo snapped a sugared flower off a tree and put it in her mouth.

“’s real!” she said around the candy.

“Sweet,” said Mulch, grinning and reaching for a chocolate pebble. The rest of the group were about to dive into the sugary magic too when they heard a strange sound behind them. It was a crunchy marching sound. The four turned to see a large army of five foot tall gingerbread men marching towards them. The ones in the front were smiling and giggling. The ones in the back however, had angry faces iced onto their heads. They were faster and more agile, leaping and flipping through the others.

“Hah! Ninja bread men!” said Rath, pointing. Beneath the rumbling of the gingerbread footsteps, the group could hear the bass thud of something much larger moving through the candy trees. The four gasped as a huge man, made completely of puffy white marshmallow stomped into view. He roared at the sight of the four Planeswalkers. Lereahl drew and arrow from his quiver and grinned at the others.

“Anyone hungry?” he asked slyly.

 

The four sat around the crackling fire as the sunlight dimmed in this strange candy world. They’d made a bonfire of the candy trees, which burned surprisingly well with blue and pink flames.  They were now roasting bits of the marshmallow man over the fire on long candy sticks.

“Well,” said Rathalohse, “that was the most delicious victory I’ve ever had.”

The others laughed. Lereahl turned to his new avian friend and held up a large piece of a ninja-bread man’s head. The black owl leant down and snatched up the treat, seeming to quite enjoy the taste of the ginger bread.

The Soaring Unicorn

As promised, here is the next Dungeons and Dragons short! We decided to mix this game up a little. We're playing D&D 3.5, but we've just replaced all of the magic and spells with futuristic technology, spaceships and aliens. It is so much fun to play, and not surprisingly, to write.

My character in this version is the lovable little assasin Zer0. Yes, I did steal him a bit from Borderlands 2, but who can blame me? The guy is amazing.

And so I present to you, the first installment of ... an as yet unnamed futuristic D&D series!

Rasha Karn growled and opened his gold-yellow eyes. The slitted pupils grew wide in the darkness. He blinked several times as they adjusted. He was having trouble remembering where he was. All he seemed to recall was hefting a huge bucket of something shiny and blue into the cargo bay. They had been exploring the arid moon of some unnamed planet. The air was breathable, but the wildlife incredibly hostile. The creatures were huge and insect-like with segmented bodies and compound eyes. After the crew had slain most of them, the rest had retreated to the entrance of a huge cave. In the cavern, they had found the beginnings of the creatures nest, constructed from a strange blue material they produced. Karn remembering being very excited with this find. He recognized the hard, translucent blue product as a key ingredient in cold welding. He and the crew had been in the process of stuffing as much of it as they could into the ship when there’d been an explosion of angry chittering and scuttling from one of the recesses of the cave. The insects had swarmed around him, crawled onto him and dragged him thrashing to the ground. He could hear Wolfenette screaming nearby. Wolfenette. Where was she? Where was his crew?

Karn struggled to get up. It took his befuddled brain a few seconds to realize that he was stuck in something. He looked down as far as he was able to see that he was stuck vertically to a wall with the same, hard blue amber they’d been collecting. He couldn’t even flex his claws. There was a small moan to his right. He craned his neck around to see Wolfenette stuck similarly to the wall of the dark cave. She groaned again and opened her eyes.

“Wolf? You okay?”

Wolfenette blinked once or twice and tried to move too.

“Not sure, cap’. All I remember is those bugs swarming us…”

“Oh look! They’re alive!”

Karn turned towards the voice. It came from the wall opposite. Also encased in the amber was a willowy figure with blue skin and a large forehead. An Eolith.

“Who are you?” asked Karn.

“Name’s Nieve. Didn’t know there was anyone else sentient on this godsdamned moon. Thank the stars you’re alive. Do you have a ship? Can you get us out of here?”

Karn grunted and struggled against the amber again.

“Yes, I have a ship. My name’s Captain Rasha Karn and this is Wolfenette.” Karn jerked his head at the beguiler.  “But that doesn’t mean we’ll just let you hop on board. What are you doing here?”

“Well, we were on our way to Phsyracuse. It’s said there’s good money in hunting there. But then we ran into an asteroid storm. Our ship crash landed here. We wandered about in the desert for about an Earth-standard week till those bugs pounced on us. Been down here for who knows how long. And for some reason I just can’t get out of or through this stupid blue stuff…” The Eolith trailed off.

“What do you mean we?” asked Karn.

“Oh. This is my associate, Zer0,” said Nieve, indicating the glob of amber to her left with the only finger she had free. A face Karn had not previously noticed popped up. The reason he’d not noticed was that the man wore a helmet. It was a curved piece of black glass, a bit like a fencing mask, and blended well in the darkness.

“He doesn’t talk much,” said Nieve airily.

Zer0 nodded enthusiastically and a bright red holographic symbol lit up in the air in front of his visor.

0

He then waved excitedly and the symbol changed.

:D

Karn raised an eyebrow.

“Captain, I really can’t move at all. Also, I can’t see 801 down here. If he was, he’d probably be able to bust us out,” Wolfenette said.

Karn nodded. The android had a knack for breaking things. But, as Wolf had just pointed out, he was not here. Karn flexed all of his muscles, searching for any weaknesses in the blue amber shell.

Karn glared at the tiny globs of blue still stuck to his glossy black fur. He’d managed to kick his way out of the goo and then free the others. But getting rid of the bits in his fur would have to wait. They had to get out of here. Zer0 was hopping about on one foot. One of his legs was still encased in the translucent material.

“Here, hold still you idiot,” snapped Nieve. She let the tall man steady himself with a hand on her shoulder. She’d found all their weapons in one corner of the room and thus used the butt of her enormous sniper rifle to crack the coating. Zer0 shook the last of the fragments free and gave her thumbs up and a smile.

:)

Karn suddenly noticed that the helmeted man only had four fingers on each hand. He shrugged and went to collect his weapons. His laser swords were unharmed and still in their sheaths. Zer0 retrieved his own laser sword. It was longer and thinner than Karn’s; more of a sabre than a sword. Wolf picked up her SMG, checked the magazine and nodded to Karn.

“Okay. Let’s go. Quietly now,” said Karn softly, moving to the large, oddly circular doorway.

There was another storeroom to their left. Through it they could see the gut churning images of old white bones trapped in blue amber. To their right, was a corridor lined with tall rock pillars and rough stone walls. There was a skittering sound from behind one of the pillars and a trio of waist-height insects scuttled into view. Their segmented shells were blue and green and spiked with purple ridges. Nieve gave a little squeak and ran to hide behind a pillar. She was too slow however; the guards had spotted them.

“Wolf!” called Karn.

Wolfenette leapt forwards and threw out a hand. A cone of blazing light and colour shot from a small device there, directly at the creatures. They didn’t even pause.

“It didn’t work!” cried Wolfenette, looking worriedly back at Karn.

“Was that a neural-spray cartridge?” asked Nieve, hoisting her rifle and aiming around the pillar.

“Yeah. Like an old flash bang. Scrambles the brain for a few seconds,” replied Wolfenette, backing into the group again.

“Won’t really work on these beasts. They’re hive creatures. A hive mind. They don’t have too many brains to scramble,” said the Eolith.

“Very well then,” said Rasha Karn. He strolled to the fore of the group, brandishing his crackling swords and baring his long, sharp canines. One of the insects chattered menacingly and leapt at him. Karn roared as he slashed at the bug, spraying hissing green blood everywhere. With his second stroke, he sliced the creature in half. Zer0 darted forwards, heading for the great insect on Karn’s right. Zer0’s sabre glowed electric blue in contrast to the rusty orange of Karn’s. Unfortunately, the insect he swung at leapt back, chittering angrily. Karn coiled and sprang at the last guard, bringing both blades down hard onto its shiny carapace, and then dodging out of the way as more acidic green blood spilled forth. The creature skittered and chirped in pain. Karn finished it off with a few quick blows and then turned to help Zer0. The bug was still dancing around him, darting forwards now and then, trying to bite the tall man. Karn came at it from the side, swiping two of its legs off. Wolfenette managed to hit it a few times, the hot bullets tearing through the blue carapace. The now lame creature shrieked as Zer0 leapt on top of it and thrust his sword through its middle. The insect collapsed; dead. Zero stabbed it a few more times, a happy emoticon on his visor. Karn could only stare at him in incredulity.

After a short rest, the group headed towards the end of the corridor. To their left now was a large room with a high ceiling, There were rows upon rows of crystal blue honeycomb structures stacked in it. To the right, a tunnel wound off into pitch darkness. They took the dark tunnel. It curved a lot and soon they were at a junction where the walls began to glow. The light was a strange, pale blue. Up ahead and to the right they heard the chittering of more guards. The sounds advanced rapidly towards them. Karn held up a hand, motioning to everyone to move back. Zer0 twitched a few times, displaying a weird glitched symbol on his visor before shaking his head and complying. Karn pointed to Nieve and gestured for her to shoot the first creature to come down the tunnel. She responded quickly, falling to one knee and sighting down the corridor. The first insect warrior to round the corner exploded in a gooey green mess. Zero twitched again and then seemed to recover, leaping to his feet and racing down the corridor. The first creature he came into contact with was severed from feelered head to spiny abdomen. Wolfenette had a different cartridge loaded this time. She aimed it at the last guard and fired. The bug staggered suddenly, bumping into a wall. It sank slowly to its knees and then lay on the ground fast asleep.  Zer0 leapt cheerfully onto it and stabbed it a few times too.

Karn headed off to the right, carefully avoiding the pools of acidic green blood. The room at the end of the corridor however, was not a pleasant one.  It was like the other storeroom they had passed, the walls covered skeletons of every size and shape imaginable, all trapped in blue amber. They turned back and chose the other fork. This corridor was a long one, and apparently well used. The walls and floor were worn to the point of being polished. There grew a strange sound. At first it sounded like running water, but as one grew closer, they realized that it was more of a humming or a buzzing. The companions’ jaws dropped when they saw what it really was. Their tunnel was one of thousands that emptied out into an immense cavern. The walls crawled with the large blue-green insects, all busy fetching, building or scurrying about. In the middle of the sea of insects sat the biggest bug imaginable. The upper segments of its body and its head were the size of small cars, and its abdomen the length of an Olympic swimming pool. It was very obviously the queen of this enormous hive. Beside the queen sat two insects, much larger than the drones, but not as big as the queen.

After a few moments of staring and just trying to absorb the scene, Karn felt a soft tap on his shoulder. The Jacorith turned to see Zer0 backing away slowly and gesturing for him to come too, a new symbol shining on his visor.

D:

Wolfenette and Nieve however, had begun discussing a plan of attack.

“We should probably get out of here,” Karn told them softly. “There’s no way we’re going to be able to fight that many. We were overcome by only two dozen before, remember? It’s how we ended up stuck in this maze in the first place.”

“Oh. Right,” said Nieve. She began tiptoeing quietly after Zer0 who was still beckoning them anxiously.

“Come one Wolf, let’s just go,” said Karn, turning to follow them.

Wolfenette however, was not convinced.

“Huh. You’re all sissies!” she snapped.

The buzzing stopped abruptly. There was utter silence in the enormous chamber. Wolf’s eyes widened in fear.

“Run!” bellowed Karn.

The noise in the tunnel was like a clap of thunder that just kept rolling. The companions sprinted down the corridor and burst into a room filled with blue honeycomb. To the right, they could see more angry bugs bearing down on them. To the left was a row of honeycomb.

!

Zer0’s symbol flashed rapidly and he pointed urgently. He’d found a gap in the honeycomb; another tunnel. Everyone piled into the crevice and kept running. Left fork, middle fork, left again and then right. They skidded to a halt in a large room. Poking from the far wall was a pair of large, broken concrete pipes. They chose the right one, scrambling and pulling each other up. At the end of the pipe, there was a rusted valve door. They struggled to close it, trying to shut it on the bugs, but the insects were too fast, squeezing past in a steady flow. The crew fled again. Suddenly they were in a cavern full of red sunlight. Parked not ten yards away was a mid-sized red and silver ship. The hull was emblazoned with the name The Soaring Unicorn. The cargo bay was open and a bulky android hung out, trying to figure out what the incredible noise was.

“MI-801! You’re alive!” shouted Karn.

“Yes captain! I managed to fight the bugs off! However, when I’d killed the last of them, you two were gone!”  801 replied.

“Doesn’t matter now! Get in the ship!” Karn roared.

“Uh, yes captain,” muttered the android, staring in astonishment at the hoard of insects chasing the Jacorith, Zer0 and Wolfenette. The four of them scrambled into the ship. 801 hit the bay door button and then leapt into a gunner’s seat. The laser cannons took a few seconds to warm up, but he was soon blasting away at the swarm of bugs threatening to envelop the ship. Karn strapped himself into the captain’s chair, flipped a few switches, started the engines and punched the throttle. The Soaring Unicorn leapt into the air, throwing Zer0 into Wolfenette.

“Buckle down you lot!” roared the captain as he wrestled the ship through the tiny cave mouth. Zer0 and Wolfenette struggled into the nearest chairs. Then they were out in the open air. Red sunlight streamed through the windows. Wolfenette began cheering. Zer0 clapped gleefully.

“Don’t celebrate just yet,” grumbled Karn.

Through the windows, they could see the swirling red sand below. Something was happening down there. It could have been the vibrations of the ship’s engines, but it appeared that the ground was shaking. Suddenly, a great crack opened in the sand. A waterfall of red cascaded in and then out of the growing hole, came the enormous queen bug. Karn was sure he wasn’t imagining it; she looked totally pissed. Following her, were the two huge soldier drones.

Zer0 waved urgently at Wolfenette.

?

“Huh?” asked Wolfenette. Zer0 pointed at the empty seat beside him and then mimed shooting and reloading a large rifle.

“Wait. Nieve? Where is she?”

Zer0 shook his head violently.

“Karn!” shouted Wolfenette. “We have to go back! Nieve’s been left behin…” Wolfenette’s words trailed off as she looked again out the window at the giant insect queen. Unfurling from her back was an enormous set of wings. She flapped them slowly and then faster, lifting into the air, her drones behind her, rising on wings of their own. But most alarming of all, was the short blue-skinned figure clinging desperately to the queen’s back. Zer0 pointed happily.

A few minutes ago…

“Run!” bellowed Karn.

Nieve however, froze. She glanced around quickly and then darted into a tiny crevice in the rock wall. The roaring started up almost instantaneously. The insects flooded past her, angry eyes fixed on the others. None of them even noticed her. She was invisible.

When the hoard had passed, the Eolith poked her head out cautiously. The royal chamber was almost entirely empty now. All that was left was the gigantic queen and her hench-drones. Nieve could see the queen insect chittering angrily. After a few minutes, the anger grew and suddenly she reared up and began attacking the ceiling. Red dirt and blue amber began crashing to the ground. The queen continued to claw at the ceiling, digging further and further until a shaft of red sunlight spilled onto the floor. The light grew as the ceiling began to collapse. The queen shrieked and began to unfurl her wings. Nieve could hear another noise above the sound of the collapsing cave. The whining of ship engines. She glimpsed a red and silver hull through the crack in the ceiling. Nieve looked again at the Queen who had slowly begun to flap her wings. An idea began to form in her head. A very stupid idea.

“Oh hell…” she muttered. She slung her rifle strap around her shoulders, took a deep breath and then sprinted towards the queen.

The crew aboard the Soaring Unicorn looked on in amazement as Nieve struggled to stand upright astride the queen. They were distracted only when the soldier drone closest to the ship shivered and spat a long stream of green acid at them.

“Oh no you don’t!” Rasha Karn wrenched the ship around and fired back with the main guns. The soldier drone shrieked and dropped down several yards.

“Get on those canons and take the others out!” shouted Karn. Zer0 and Wolfenette undid their buckles and lurched towards the mounted gunner seats.

Back out on the queen, Nieve had finally managed to find her feet. She swung her rifle into her hands and loaded it. She pointed it straight down at the queen’s back and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. The gun had jammed.

The queen now spat a huge line of acid. The Unicorn, under Karn’s deft hand, was able to dodge the sizzling stream. Karn turned again and fired at the first soldier drone. The rail gun pierced both of its wings and it was sent plummeting to the red sand far below. Zer0 and Wolfenette were now taking potshots too. It was difficult to manage, what with the ship darting this way and that to avoid the acid. They were also very concerned that one of them might hit Nieve by accident.

“Sure could use some missiles right about now-” Karn was cut off by a horrid screeching sound. The remaining soldier drone had launched itself at the ship and latched on somehow, claws squealing over the metal.

“Dammit,” growled Karn. “Hold on everyone. I’ve gotta’ shake this monster.”

The Unicorn rocketed upwards. Zer0 found himself clutching his headrest in panic as the g-force pulled him backwards into his seat. They were thrown willy-nilly as Karn rolled and spun, trying to throw the creature off.

Nieve had managed to un-jam her rifle. She re-loaded it, cocked it and checked her balance. She shoved the barrel into a crack in the queen’s shiny carapace and pulled the trigger. The shot was oddly muffled, but was followed by an unearthly shriek. The queen faltered and fell a little, flailing and squealing in pain. There was now an exit chasm on the underside of her belly.

Back on the ship, the soldier drone was still holding tightly to the hull. The ship righted just in time for the crew to see Nieve’s bullet explode out the other side of the queen’s belly. Zer0 clapped gleefully and then gave a thumbs up in approval.

Rasha Karn dived. The crew was suddenly weightless. Zer0’s helmet flashed through a series of shocked and alarmed emoticons before settling on one.

:D

Karn pulled up suddenly and jagged to the right. The soldier drone howled as the sudden turn wrenched its grip free and catapulted it straight towards the queen. The two collided with a sickening crunch, nearly sending Nieve flying. Now the lasers were blazing again. The muzzles of the guns began to glow red hot as the crew peppered the soldier and queen with dozens of shots. The insects tried to spit their acid again, but couldn’t even get close. Zer0 punched the air as one of his shots found a soft spot on the soldier drone’s belly. It was dead before it even crashed in a sticky, horrible mess on the red desert.

“Wolf! Get one of those mining drones out there! If we do manage to shoot this queen down, Nieve will not survive the fall!” shouted Karn, furiously wrestling with the ship’s controls.

“Yes captain!” Wolfenette ran towards a bank of controls in the center of the ship. She hit a few buttons and there was the hiss of pneumatics. A door had opened on the bottom of the ship, releasing a small mining bot. The Soaring Unicorn had once been a mining rig and most of the equipment was still on board – including several pairs of rancid orange overalls stained with all manner of dirt and alien dust. The drilling bot dropped away from the ship, falling fast towards the red sand. Wolfenette stared anxiously at the controls.

“Fly dammit!” she hissed, punching buttons randomly.

Zer0 had nailed the queen several times now, the lasers blasting holes in the queen’s blue carapace. Nieve too had managed another shot after she’d regained her balance. The Unicorn dived again, firing round after round at the giant insect. They were too close though, and the queen shrieked and lashed out with her front claws, grazing the ship with a sound like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Wolfenette’s drone was now rocketing upwards. She’d figured out the controls just before the little bot had crashed in the red dunes. Karn dodged another blow from the queen’s claws and spun the ship so it was pointing right into her mandibles.

“Eat lead, your highness,” snarled the Jacorith and squeezed the trigger. The railgun spat, shredding the queen’s head. Her wings faltered and then stopped altogether. She began to fall.

“Where’s that bot?” roared Karn.

“I’m not going to make it!” replied Wolfenette still rapidly pressing buttons on the console. Karn growled and sent the Unicorn into yet another gravity-warping dive after the enormous insect. Zer0 threw off his harness and for a second, he was floating in midair. He pushed off the back of the gunner’s chair, sailing through space towards one of the other consoles. There was a second pneumatic hiss as another bot was released. Zer0 was much quicker in figuring out the controls and soon had the little bot racing down after the queen. The robot drew alongside the falling corpse, desperately seeking out Nieve with its onboard camera. Suddenly, she was there, face against the queen’s flesh, hanging on for dear life. Zer0 hit the controls and the bot flew towards Nieve, smacking into her and getting her attention. It bounced away again. The Eolith craned her neck around and her eyes widened as she realized what she had to do. There was no time left. She judged the distance quickly and pushed off. Everything seemed to slow as she back flipped gracefully through the air – landing solidly on the mining bot. The robot pulled away as the ship did too. 801 and Wolfenette cheered and rained hands upon Zer0’s back as he piloted the little robot expertly back into the loading bay.