Saturday, August 11, 2012

Alternative Uses for Boyfriends

I read something, somewhere in the depths of the internet, that to get people more interested in your blog, you have to offer them something to keep them coming back to it. I nodded to myself when I read it and though, 'Yes. That makes sense. There's a blog that I follow because it give great advice on writing.' So for a while I have been pondering what to offer YOU. Yes, you. My avid little readers! Aren't you just so cute, with your widdle cheeks and... Ahem. Or not so cute. Whichever you prefer. Yes, sir, those are nice fangs I see. I apologise for the randomness, it's a weeny bit past midnight and I think my brain is leaking out onto my shoulders. Which will leave an awful stain on my nice white jumper. You know how hard it is to get stains out of this thing? I got a spot of beetroot juice on it once. It was so bright against the white. My mother was the one who eventually got it out. What was I saying?
Ah, yes. What I am going to offer to my readers. Well, I've had a long think about it and really haven't had any super brainwaves. I considered writing advice about writing. I might still do that, but my brain keeps telling me that I may not be really experienced enough as a writer to start giving advice. Maybe in the future. So, for now, I give you a placeholder.
Tired of doing ordinary things with your beloved? Getting bored of using everyday objects and/or services? Why not combine the two? I present to you a list of alternative uses for a boyfriend.
  • Chauffeur
  • ATM
  • Blanket
  • Foot warmer
  • Back scratcher
  • Massager
  • Butler
  • Bodyguard
  • Handbag holder
  • Coat rack
  • Muse
  • Model
  • Grief counselor
My other half and I were amused when we found that he was indeed a good blanket and foot warmer, then began thinking up other alternative uses for him. He was the one who suggested compiling them into this list.

So, I hope this blog post has come in handy. Check back next time for more useless advice!

Feeling: Cold again. It's hot in the middle of the day, but when I go in the shade I have to put my jumper back on.

Wearing: Booties, jeans, grey singlet, stripy jumper, blue woolly fingerless gloves, neon yellow nail polish. It actually glows under black light.

Eating: Naught. I did have some Delta Creams earlier. Nummy.

Listening to: Give It a Go - Timbaland & Veronica. A song from Real Steel. An awesome movie.


  1. Well you don't really need fancy tips to get ME to read this. It is, as always, amusing, funny, and useful.

    (by useful I mean good advice. I am pretty sure that if I had a girlfriend, she wouldn't do any of those things up there :P)

    1. Thanks man :D It's so nice to know I have a fan ^_^


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